Friday, December 9, 2011

even though she is no longer with us

My Mother passed away 2 years ago from a long illness. We knew we would loose her to this disease someday. No matter how much of a warning you have in advance, it is never enough time.
My Mom and I didn't always get along. We were too much alike. There was too much time spent on stuff that didn't matter, and there was even a period of time we took a break from each other. But it is never too late. The last few years of my Mom's life, we had a great relationship. We were able to put past us all the conflict and heartache that unfortunately comes with some relationships, especially in family's. If you experience none of this in your own family, then you truly are lucky. But I was able to take away from our discord a new perspective. Of my self. By stepping away I was able to see that it was not always my Mother. I decided to change the 'script' we played with each other for so long.
If you always do what you always have done, you will always get what you always got. 
One of my favorite sayings. But so true. And so hard to change. But it is possible. When my Mom passed away neither of us had any regrets about each other. I can remember the last time she said those words to me as she lay in a hospital bed waiting to die. She didn't have the strength to even lift a finger, but she managed to slowly turn her head towards me and ever so silently whispered I love you Bonnie Jean. It was then that I really realized that she truly had, my entire life. And I miss that. 
SO on the anniversary of her death, I am sharing with you, planting a small seed that if you have unresolved issues to not wait. Or just move on with out resolving them and try to remember that if you approach each day as you always did, you will get the same results. That goes for your relationships too. I promise you, you will only regret it if you do not. 
My Mother did not drink and had not smoked in many years, but the one thing she did love was chocolate cake. She could never pass that up. On the first anniversary of her death we wanted to think of something that her family, across the US could all do in memory of her. That is when it hit me. We would all celebrate her life with a slice of chocolate cake. Like a birthday. So from Arizona to New York, we will be having a slice of chocolate cake today in honor of my wonderful, stubborn, giving and very funny Mother!
So if you want to have a piece in her honor or to honor someone of your own, I know my Mom would think that it was the best thing since sliced chocolate cake!

Andrea S. Trunfio and her 3 Grandchildren

4 comments:

  1. Beautiful post, beautiful lesson.

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  2. Wow, this is beautiful. Truly.

    I have a husband who battles stage 4 kidney cancer. He is working thru things he never thought he'd have to. He's still in very good health after 4.5 years, but there might come a time that he doesn't have time. He's working now, so he doesn't feel he "has to" in the end.

    God Bless you and Choc Cake Lovin' Memory of Mom,
    Suzanne

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  3. You brought me to tears... what a beautiful post!

    I happen to live in Arizona. I am going to do my best to have a piece of chocolate cake today.

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  4. Thank you for your post. I am aware that this is the last Christmas we will have with my mother as she slips away to dementia... most of her is already gone. Our relationship has been trying in many ways, but while I hate the dementia I at least can see the end coming and make a conscious effort to make the best of the time that is left. So while it is a curse it is also a blessing to have this time instead of losing her suddenly and having regrets for things left unsaid or over things said that shouldn't have been, and no chance to set things right.

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